Teaching Michael Monday (3/7): Banana Bread and Snapchat

This weekend, my siblings and I all made the trek back to Flemington to spend some good ol' fashioned time with the family. While we were home, Mama Goldman decided to teach Michael her "foolproof" Banana Bread recipe; and yours truly decided to live-snapchat the whole event.

For those who'd like to follow me and any cooking episodes (both my successes and Michael's fails) on snapchat, feel free to connect -- I'm sgoldman328.

"Foolproof," she said....

"This is what exasperation looks like"

"The saga of adding sugar"

"The sass factor"

Apparently, the banana bread recipe withstood the test of Michael. Those who know me well understand my "hard no" policy against bananas, so I didn't stick around for the final product.

Till next time, S.

Teaching Michael Mondays (2/29): Defrosting 101

Last Monday, Michael wanted to do a protein-heavy dinner as he was scheduled to donate blood the following day, and wanted a high iron count. He figured chicken was his best bet (red meat works better, kid.) Unfortunately for Michael, he'd purchased a pack of two chicken breasts and had forgotten to defrost them.

Being the problem solver that he is, Michael looked online and found advice to stick the frozen meat in a sealed plastic bag, and run cold water over the bag to thaw the meat. He also knew that his microwave had a defrost setting, but had never used it. Two options -- What to do?

Now those who follow this blog know that Michael often deviates from directions, but somehow still maintains that he follows them to the letter of the law.

Arguably, if Michael did follow directions, there might not be a need for this delightful segment, so maybe we don't tell him, hmm?

With utter determination and gusto, our daring young cook took the chicken out of the package, said "screw the plastic bag," and proceeded to put the frozen block of chicken breast in a clean Tupperware container that he then overflowed with water, so that it circulated.

After a short time, and a change of fresh water, the chicken softened to the point that Michael could roughly break the block of meat in half. He patted dry one piece, put it in a new ziploc baggie, and put that back in the freezer. And attempted to cook the other.

Now, Michael didn't do so bad on this one, but improperly defrosted and cooked meat puts those eating the meat at risk for food poisoning. (Also, that second piece of chicken has a 90% chance of being frostbitten).

Which brings me to today's lesson: Defrosting 101

The three "safest" ways to defrost frozen meats are as follows:

1. Allow the meat to come to temperature "naturally" -- by placing in the refrigerator a day or two before intended cook time. Do NOT leave meat out on the counter -- this will allow harmful bacteria to bloom
2. Use the microwave's "defrost" setting -- I usually don't use this technique, I don't trust microwaves to cook evenly and I find that microwaves often compromise the texture of the protein.
3. The "water" method -- essentially what Michael attempted to do, but without the risk of salmonella. Put the meat/fish in an airtight plastic bag and either submerge in, or run cold water over the protein until it has thawed. Do NOT use hot water, you have a much greater chance of allowing bacteria to come in contact with chicken in conditions that allow it to bloom.

Other tips:

• When living alone, it is often best to separate meat out into preportioned freezer packs using plastic bags. Alternatively, to save time -- some companies sell individual packs of chicken that you can toss into the fridge to thaw overnight. I am a big fan of the individual portions of frozen fish, which will thaw in the refrigerator during the day while I'm at work.
• Those living with cats: Make sure there is a sealed cover over your container, as mischievous kitties may go for the raw meat or fish. Case in point: SNOOP DOGG THE FISH THIEF
• If, like in Michael's case, you forgot to separate meat into portions and have defrosted multiple pieces -- cook them all, and keep leftovers in the fridge to add into pastas and over salads in the next few days. Just remember to consume the cooked chicken within 3-4 days. 

Teaching Michael Mondays (2/22) -- The "Beany Pasta" Experiment

Michael texted me last night:

The conversation continued:

Oh gawd... it sounded terrible. Who puts green beans into pasta with marinara sauce?? Where does he come up with these combos?!

But being the supportive sister that I am, I simply told him to rinse the green beans thoroughly, and to send pictures and a detailed review.

Finished product... I still can't get behind those green beans

"I've cooked (and made myself eat) far worse things"..... Wonderful. Our mother will be gratified to know

My recommendations:

First of all, I would've avoided canned green beans like the plague. Canned products are useful pantry items -- I regularly use canned mushrooms, kidney beans, chick peas, cannelloni beans, water chestnuts, corn, and tomatoes -- however, I stay away from all other veggies. I find that the canned vegetables often have this overwhelming bland, metallic taste that can't be overcome, no matter how much seasoning I use. 

I recommend keeping frozen vegetables on hand instead. In fact, Michael, Trader Joe's has a great selection of frozen veggies -- including green beans, onions, pearl onions (highly recommend for stews), and asparagus. 

I also think that one needs to be more heavy handed with spices when working with canned and/or frozen products. In a sense, you need to bring these ingredients "back to life."

Another idea to "fix" this one -- turn the mishap into soup. Add a can of tomato soup, plus vegetable broth until you've got the right consistency. Up your spices, and you're good for round two.

Michael, I understand you wanted to use up the green beans -- maybe look for a simple minestrone soup recipe for the last few cans? Also -- I've got a great recipe with cannelloni beans and pasta you might love -- check it out here.

I think this pasta thing is getting old -- time to step up your game to proteins, kid. Don't worry, we'll tackle it next time.

Teaching Michael Mondays (2/15) -- Flavor Profiles

Several weeks ago, Michael had a pasta mix up where a recipe called for parsley and red pepper flakes. He didn't have the former, opted to leave out the latter, and ended up with spaghetti swimming in olive oil.

My advice to him in the post was that if you have to leave out a spice -- think about replacing it with an alternative from the same flavor profile. For instance, if you're making Italian and you don't have parsley -- try basil.

But alas, what spices and in each flavor profile. Michael and my fellow readers, see below:

Common Ingredients and Spices in Various Flavor Profiles

• Italian: Basil, Marjoram, Rosemary, Thyme, Oregano, Garlic, Parsley, Fennel Seeds, Red Pepper Flakes
• Japanese: Miso (paste), Sesame Oil, Sesame Seeds, Rice Vinegar, Soy Sauce,Ginger
• Mediterranean: Oregano, Rosemary, Thyme, Bay Leaves, Cardamom, Cinnamon, Cloves, Coriander, Basil, Ginger
• French: Oregano, Nutmeg, Thyme, Garlic Powder, Rosemary, Herbs de Provence, Tarragon
• Tex-Mex: Cumin, Chili Powder, Oregano, Garlic, Cilantro, Cinnamon, Chipotle

Teaching Michael Mondays (2/8) -- That Time Michael Froze Milk

Before taking off to our parents' house for a few days, Michael was left with the common predicament of what to do with the better part of a gallon of milk.

Apparently, milk freezes... (who knew?) -- so he poured the milk into a few empty water bottles, stuck them in the freezer, and went on his way.

It turns out that white/off-white/ivory/eggshell-colored liquid milk turns to a horrifyingly sick shade of yellow when frozen. The "good" news in all this is that thawing the milk returns it to a normal state, although one may not want to drink it after seeing the frozen form.

Teaching Michael Mondays (2/1) -- Two Cats, One Apartment, with a Man Who Can't Cook

Once upon a time in the Goldman family household, yours truly decided she wanted a second cat, so that Snoop Dogg could have someone to play with. Mama Goldman promptly decided to window-shop, and then foster a cat on my behalf, who I attempted to dub, "Ludacris." Now, long story short, Snoop Dogg and Ludacris had a MASSIVE beef -- and so I now have a happy Snoop Dogg dominated, single-cat household.

Why do I bring up this story? Well, this past weekend, "Mocha" - the cat formerly known as Ludacris, and our 6-toed bundle of kitten-craziness, Parker, went to live with Michael.

Yes, two cats in one apartment, with a man who can't cook. Watch out ladies, he's got an in-suite washer and dryer, too (Me-ow!)

Michael's newest roommates bring me to this week's lesson: storing food -- important normally, imperative when you have cats.

Since the move on Saturday, Michael has already lost a 5 lbs bag of flour when one of his "darlings" splashed water from the dish that he had set out -- soaking the flour through not only its original packaging, but also a plastic bag that Michael had been storing it in.

Michael is not alone: I once placed a frantic phone call to my parents at 5:30 am because Snoop Dogg, the dear sweet troublemaker that she is, decided to eat 7 Hershey kisses from a mug I had been keeping on my counter. [Chocolate IS toxic to cats, but darker varieties are exponentially more dangerous.]

There's also been multiple occasions where Snoop Dogg has gone after cookies. The first time, they were on the counter in a Ziploc; she clawed through the bag to get at them. The second time, I thought I was being smarter -- I had the cookies in tuperware: nope, the container didn't stand a chance. I woke up to cookies strewn and half eaten all over the floor.

So what can the cat-loving home cook do? I tend to assume that Snoop Dogg is a ninja, and if a container is left of the counter, she WILL break into it. As such, I keep my kitchen obscenely clean. I also tuck "goodies" away either in the fridge, or in cabinets. Things should be double wrapped and away from the edge of the counter. I'd also recommend looking into household plants/foods that are poisonous to cats.

So Michael, and my readers with cats, take heed. It's THEIR kitchen, we're just cooking in it.

Teaching Michael Mondays (1/25) -- The Roux Suggestion

Last week, I got a call from Michael asking advice on how to make a pasta dish -- as he was trying a new tactic in cooking and making up his own recipe based on what ingredients fit together.

I applauded him, and asked what he had in mind: Pasta with broccoli, peppers, and sweet potato in a jarred marinara sauce.

I'm sorry -- what?

To his credit, our mom often makes a take on pasta primavera using roasted butternut squash cubes. However, while sweet potatoes and butternut squash may be the same color, they are not always interchangeable because they break down differently. (The same goes for broccoli and cauliflower, by the way). I also tend not to see the point of carb on carb dishes

In addition, I advised against the sweet potato/marinara combo. There's an open invitation for someone to prove me wrong, but I just don't see those flavors meshing really well.

Michael has been doing a LOT better with his cooking lately, and has successfully made a roux -- so I challenged him to do a recipe revision with cream sauce using ingredients he already had on hand.

My revisions: Pasta with sauteed onions, broccoli, peas in a creamy white cheddar Parmesan sauce.

I received the following text review from Michael

Sauteed onions, broccoli, peas in skillet with thyme, nutmeg, garlic powder. Made roux from Milk, butter, flour, parm, block white cheddar (I knew to cut it up tiny to melt and prevent clumping), and nutmeg. Mixed in large bowl with pasta, veg. Proportions were better this time [Steph interjection -- HE CAN BE TAUGHT]; had plenty of broccoli per serving of pasta. Main problem: insufficient spice, in part due to inexperience with tastes (which spices go together?), in part due to cooking for someone besides me.

Not a problem, Michael -- we can cover mixing spices in the following weeks.

Overall, I think it sounded like a serious kitchen success! My only critiques would have been to add salt and pepper with the veggie saute (that'll help balance your seasonings, dear) --- and that adding nutmeg into the veggie saute was an interesting choice. Nutmeg is a fantastic addition in bechamel sauces (i.e., one of the French 'mother sauces' -- and the basis for your standard cheese sauce). I've also seen nutmeg added to sauteed greens.

Glad it worked out!!

Teaching Michael Mondays (1/18) -- Proportions

One of my favorite food-related movie moments has to be the "perfect bite" scene from the Barbra Streisand film, "The Mirror Has Two Faces." Unfortunately, no kind soul has uploaded it on YouTube, but the film is worth a watch -- trust me. Long story short, Rose takes a small piece of every item of her plate and layers them neatly on her fork -- thereby building the perfect bite, with all flavors perfectly proportioned and balanced.

Enter my dear brother, who yes, has yet to learn this concept.

This week, Michael decided to attempt a batch of pasta with broccoli and some red bell pepper mixed in. The original recipe called for 1/4 pound of broccoli (which to Michael's credit) he added correctly.

At that point, Michael decided to make enough pasta to last him the week (kudos for meal planning, kid).

To quote the text he sent me, "Even though 1/4 lbs of broccoli is a lot, it is next to nothing when mixed into a pound a pasta. Also, one pound of pasta is a *lot*"

In this case, I would recommend upping the vegetables when you up the amount of carbs or protein in a dish. The goal here is to make sure that every forkful has a bite of every element in the dish (see "The Mirror Has Two Faces" tie-in).  If Michael's original dish called for 4 ounces of broccoli for 4 ounces of pasta, he should have continued with a 1:1 ratio when increasing the dish's volume.

The only situation in which I might not follow that rule, would be when increasing the amount of fat  -- like olive oil or butter -- but that's just my health-conscious preferences chiming in.

Teaching Michael Mondays (1/11) -- Meal Planning and Pantry Essentials

Meal planning is important, but can be daunting. However, I find that it's less daunting if you make a plan to have "options." Let me explain: A balanced meal needs to have protein, carbs, and vegetables. So, something that's helped me is to make sure that I always have "options" for each in my pantry and fridge.

(Michael keeps kosher, so those who don't observer these dietary restrictions should use these tips as guidelines and add their own healthy favorites.)

• Protein options: 
• Hebrew National Hotdogs -- I stick with the 97% fat free ones which are 1 sp each. I recommend buying a few packs and storing them in the freezer. They're fully cooked, so you can cut open the frozen pack, remove two links, microwave them to thaw, and either sear them in a pan, or chop them up to add to pasta.
• Chicken breast -- buy a pack of three boneless/skinless breasts and cook the entire pack on Sunday afternoon/evening. Store cooked chicken in tupperware and add to meals as needed during the week. 
• Tuna -- not just for lunch anymore. Crack open a can of tuna, and throw it on top of salad with other components for a heartier salad.
• Beans -- Make a healthy fajita bowl, quick chili or toss onto salad. 
• Beef -- This tends to be a "treat" in my kitchen, but if you're living alone, I recommend looking for packs that have 4 ounce portions and separating into freezer bags when you unpack after shopping. 
• Tofu -- I go with extra firm, and add to stir fry or bake as a "steak." The catch here is that you need to use the package within a week.

• Carb Options: 
• Pasta -- Make sure you measure out a portion because living alone can EASILY lead to engorged portions.
• Rice -- I HATE cooking rice. I do. I can't stand it. Luckily, there are these "minute rice ready cups" at the grocery store that you can microwave for a minute to add to stir fry, fajita bowls, or pair alongside beef or chicken.
• Potatoes -- Keep a few on hand (they do spoil, so be careful). To prep baked potato -- wash, and pierce with fork or knife and then microwave for 5-8 minutes depending on the size of potato. 

• Veggie options:
• Frozen veggies -- ABSOLUTE LIFESAVER. YES, they are not as flavorful as fresh, but they're cheaper and more convenient. You can do a "quick roast" in the oven on a sheet tray, or saute in a pan with different spices
• What's in my freezer:
• Brussels Sprouts (MULTIPLE Packs)
• Stir fry blends, including one that's broccoli heavy and one that's peppers and onions
• Broccoli
• Cauliflower
• Green Beans
• Asparagus (they have this at trader joes, for sure)
• Pearl Onions (Add to a crockpot)
• I also keep fresh veggies on hand. Note: THEY SPOIL so use quickly. They're also more expensive. I recommend:
• Bell peppers
• onions -- I go back and forth about whether its worth it to buy a 3-5 lbs bag or individual loose onions. While I go through the individuals faster,  I often find that the bag always has 1-2 bad onions which spoil the rest of the bunch.
• Mushrooms
• Broccoli
• String Beans
• CARROTS -- Can eat raw, throw on tray for quick roast, or toss into crockpot.
• Celery

Teaching Michael Mondays (1/4) -- Pasta in an Olive Oil Bath

Michael's second cooking mishap started out innocently enough: a harmless recipe for "Pasta with Garlic and Oil" (from How to Cook Everything: The Basics by Mark Bittman). It seemed simple: boil pasta, lightly toast garlic, toss together with parsley and red pepper flakes.

Michael is in the habit of eating lunch with a friend, and offered to bring in some for her prior to cooking it.

Said friend (who we're told is NOT a girlfriend) is not a fan of red pepper flakes, so Michael ignored the direction to add them to the recipe. He was out of parsley, so he ignored that direction as well.

Now, despite leaving out two ingredients, Michael, who was very worried about the recipe's end result, continued to "follow the directions exactly."

He didn't have minced garlic in water from a jar, as instructed. Instead, Michael decided to chop up a fresh garlic clove. But how much? The recipe instructed 2 TBS, but Michael had some idea that one was suppose to use a lesser amount of fresh spice "rather than dried or pre-packaged spices" -- and so he halved the amount, thinking that the fresh garlic would be stronger than the jarred kind.

In his retelling of the saga, Michael added:

It's been a while since I did this, and I don't remember exactly how I made it. But I keep thinking of the recipe as calling for 3/4 cup olive oil, so there's a chance I accidentally used 3/4 cup instead of 1/3 cup when I first made it.

 Regardless if Michael used 3/4 a cup of oil or 1/3 a cup, the resulting dish was pasta swimming in oil with a slight garlic flavor only noticeable "when you managed to find a piece [of garlic] to crunch into." Michael's friend was reportedly amused by the fact that he needed to follow a recipe for something so easy -- and still managed to screw it up.

Stephanie's "Expert" Recommendations:

There's no doubt that cooking is difficult, so I do give credit to Michael for consulting a recipe first.

In this scenario, I wouldn't have cut ingredients out completely. Instead, when Michael didn't have parsley, my recommendation would've been to stay within the Italian flavor profile, but substitute a different spice, such as oregano or basil, instead. Perhaps instead of red pepper flakes, Michael could've added fennel seeds, which would give an added depth of flavor.

As a healthier cook, I also would've used less than the prescribed amount of olive oil. Even if the original recipe called for 1/3 of a cup, that seems like quite a lot, when you figure the serving size is 1 TBS. To create more of a "sauce," I would've reached for part-skim or fat free ricotta, which would've added a creaminess to the dish -- and -- (added bonus) boosted the protein for the overall meal.

Kudos for trying, kid.

To those who are curious, the original recipe does call for 1/3 cup of olive oil. We will never know how much Michael ACTUALLY used, but as a very wise and slightly snarky older sister, my money's on 3/4 cup.

Teaching Michael Mondays (12/28) -- Launch

I have three siblings: two older sisters and a younger brother, Michael. Michael is a recent graduate from Worcester Polytechnic Institute and has recently moved to his own apartment in CT... and has since been having issues cooking for himself.

To illustrate, Michael attempted to make himself a tuna melt for dinner a few weeks ago. However, he didn't have cheese..so Michael decided to top off the tuna with a fried egg (because one animal byproduct is completely interchangeable from another... right?) For the first egg, Michael didn't use any oil at all; for the second, he used too much.

His recent difficulties have prompted the launch of this mini-series: "Teaching Michael Mondays" in which I will provide readers who, like Michael, may be new to cooking, with easy recipes and tips. I have no doubt that I will also be regaling everyone with Michael's kitchen mishaps.... because what are older sisters for?